things to worry about.

An excerpt from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s letter to his 11-year-old daughter who was away at camp sits on my bulletin board above my desk at work.  I read it often, mulling over his advice.  Thought I would share it with you today:

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage
Worry about Cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship

Things not to worry about:

Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions

Things to think about:

What am I really aiming at?
How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

(a) Scholarship
(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?
(c) Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

life and loss

I sat in a church pew last night surrounded by young people, many wearing white t-shirts with J’s smiling face on them. J’s family at the front, a mixture of young and old, many of whom shared about J through song, a poem, or just speaking some of their heart, trying to do the love and loss they felt justice.

Over and over what a good job J’s mom had done was repeated. Many expressed how respectful and kind J was, what a joy he was to be around. There was also a lot of pain and questioning, grieving a life cut so short. J’s 20th birthday was only a few weeks later and there had already been party plans in the work.

Death is a strange thing. It affects all of us, we all die and we all lose loved ones. Yet, when death takes what we love the pain is so deep, so raw and engulfing.

The crowd at J’s funeral was a mix; while mostly young it was a combination of guys and girls, a mixture of races, and a mixture of how each person knew J.

During the open sharing time, J’s mother got up to share and quiet spread over all of us. She shared what a true gift J was, what a blessing from God and how thankful she was that we all had a chance to know this gift.

My heart ached last night. I watched many young people grieve the loss of their friend, observed the row of young men in front of me all look ahead with steel cold faces trying not to feel too deeply. One of the guys leaned forward and bowed his head down half way through the service and his shoulders began to shake with silent sobs. His friend, the toughest looking of the group put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and tears silently fell down his cheeks as well.

Later I stood in the room for viewing the body with a dozen or so young people all crying, struggling to leave their friend’s body, and tears fell down my cheeks as well.

what’s been going on in list form

• Today is national doughnut day.  I think I will celebrate by making these, or these, or maybe these.

• Summers in Chicago are wonderful – the weather is generally beautiful, the lake and beaches are full of boaters, swimmers, and picnickers, and there are always free things going on.  E and I will definitely be attending a few of these in the upcoming months.

• To kick off the summer & to wrap up a season of “funship” events E and I are having our first summer cookout (and first cookout hosting as a married couple!) this weekend – carne asada, chorizo, guacamole, beans, rice, bubbles and sidewalk chalk for the kids, beach balls and bean bags.  I’m excited.

• Been reading this book as of late.  While not what I initially expected – it was written in the 1600’s so the language is a bit antiquated – it is both challenging and encouraging.  I have been pouring over it and soaking it in.

• People and their stories are beautiful.  One day I dream of writing a book to tell stories of the people in my neighborhood.  In the meantime I love browsing this site, looking at humans in New York.

• This post and its follow-up. Well said.

• Miklo ate a poisonous plant this morning and was taken on an emergency vet trip.  Gah.  It sounds like he’ll be fine although the vet was clearly disappointed in me declining the “supportive treatments” (giving him fluids via IV and the cat equivalent to pepto bismol that were going to cost $200!).

• Looking forward to doing this DIY summer decor project.

• this website and blog are two of my recent favorite sites to browse. If you’re looking for design inspiration and/or need help with web design she’s the girl to go to.

• Recently a few friends and I were talking about various cultural expectations and habits with new babies.  This one blew my mind a little, this one I think should become the norm here in the US as well.

List of 10

Sorry for the absence here on the blog. Yikes, almost three months gone! To start back into things and because I love lists I thought I would give you 10 things I have been loving and/or learning in the month of May:
1. I have loved making my own sodas! This, this, and this have been my favorites. Such a delicious treat to enjoy on the back porch after work.

2. Sprinkles cupcake ATM is fantastic.

3. My guitar needs to come out of hiding.  It’s been packed away for too long.

4. This book is a must-read for anyone who has depression, knows someone who has it, or just wants to learn more. I just finished it and found it insightful on so many levels.

5. I can’t stop playing this:

6.  May has been a month of much celebration – one wedding, four birthdays, mothers day, and my nephew learned to walk!! Here is a picture from one of the birthday celebrations:

7.  When animals of different species become friends.

8.   Pinholepress – so many projects I’d like to do!

9.  LUSH products.  I just went there for the first time this month and have been loving what I got.

10.  Having a blank canvas on my easel at home is a must, it fosters creativity in my brain by just sitting there and it’s ready for whenever the girls I mentor or I decide we’re in the mood to paint!

Reflections on Leadership Development

I just finished reading Leadership Revolution by John Perkins and Wayne Gordon and wanted to share a couple of things that stood out to me when reading the book.  These were truths that resonated in my heart, partially because they are things I need to remember in my own life, and also because they are truths I long to see demonstrated in our communities.

The first is a poem that’s toward the end of the book.  It’s actually used by the Christian Community Development Association (CCDA) pretty regularly so you may have heard it before, but it was a good reminder to me as to what servant leadership and leadership development look like so wanted to share it with you:

 

“Go to the people

Live among them

Learn from them

Listen to them

Labor with them

Love them

Start with what they know

Build on what they have

But of the best leaders

When their task is done

The people will remark

‘We have done it ourselves.'”

 

The second is a little longer, two paragraphs from Leadership Revolution that put to paper what’s been on my heart lately.

“Leadership development is, at its core, the process of empowerment.  It entails a major commitment of time, energy and, often, financial resources.  The first step in empowering leaders is to create a culture in which all people understand that they are important, that their opinions matter, and that their recommendations, whether or not they are eventually adopted, will always get a hearing (and not just a token hearing).

In an empowering culture, those of us who have titles and are over others on the organizational chart recognize that we are not the only ones who have ideas.  In fact, as we often remind people, it’s usually the case that those who are closest to the problem being addressed or the goal being pursued have the best idea about how to proceed.  A culture that promotes the empowerment of others differs radically from the kind of culture in which the leaders are big shots – and where it’s clear, the minute you walk in the door, who those big shots are.”

Creating that kind of culture is a daily process – making the decision to hear others’ perspectives, to welcome those who think or process things differently and truly value their opinion even if it’s not what or how I think.  What are your thoughts?  Have you read Leadership Revolution? Have you seen examples of the culture of empowerment or have thoughts on creating and encouraging it?

This American Life 2 Part Series

Not sure how many of you listen to This American Life (a weekly hour-long radio program & podcast) on a regular basis, but wanted to share with you their two most recent episodes focusing on gun violence in Chicago.  The reporters spent five months at Harper High School in Chicago, where last year 29 current and recent students were shot.  The two-part podcast series shares stories from many different people in the school, giving insight to what it means to live in the midst of gun violence.

I loved listening to the stories and perspectives of the people interviewed & so appreciated the inside look of Harper High School.  While neighborhoods across the city are different, and the gun violence & its effects can look different as well, there are a number of deep running themes that remain constant across the board.

Gifts From the Post Office

Being quick to perceive others & their character, their heart, their intentions, or even their background wrongfully, happens more often in my life than I like.  While we’re on the topic of misconceptions I wanted to share a short story of a time when I quickly judged someone and learned a lot from it.

—

Misconception #1

The other day I was talking with one of the girls I mentor and thought I would pose the question of misconceptions to her.  Who better to share than one has experienced the labels and misconceptions most of her life?  So I asked her, “What are things that you think people mistakenly believe about those who live in our neighborhood?”  Right away she responded, “Others think we’re all bad people since they see the bad things on the news, stories that show the gang bangers or the nasty parts of our neighborhood.  But there are good people here who care about the community.”

I believe her statement highlights one of the largest misconceptions I hear not only for our neighborhood but for those living in lower-income areas with high crime all over the world.  “There is an expectation that they are all selling drugs and have a criminal record” stated a friend of mine when I asked her what misconceptions she’s heard.  While there are drug dealers, gang bangers, and crime present, and these are what gets the media’s attention, there are so many in the neighborhoods not doing these things and doing their part to contribute positively to their communities.  Having the misunderstanding that the majority of the people are “bad people” (to quote my mentee) is unfair to the community, to the individuals contributing in positive ways as well as to those who are the gang bangers, the drug dealers, the criminals.

What are your thoughts?  Have you heard this misconception from others, or perhaps had it yourself?

 

Misconceptions

I was recently asked what I thought some common misconceptions are regarding youth and families living in the city, specifically those living in the neighborhoods I live and work in.  Right away a few misconceptions came to mind, these are ones that I see & hear often even from people who have moved into our neighborhood to do ministry.  Really, if I am being honest, these are ones I find myself thinking at times if I am not careful.  Other misconceptions are subtle, or not as often observed.  I thought instead of talking about these in one post I’d start a series and over time as I see a misconception or hear about one from my friends and neighbors I will write about them.  I’m still yet to come up with a name for this series, so if any of you have an idea of what to call it please share!  My hope is that this will start a dialogue among readers as well as out in our communities! I already have asked one of the girls I mentor what she thinks are some misconceptions and loved hearing her responses.  I’m excited to share and discuss these with you all.  Stay tuned.

el hijo del paletero

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wrgwo9XBmeM%5D

check this video out,  it’s a fantastic short video that is a product of a ULS summer project some years back!