Raising Children Here.

Living in our neighborhood comes with a lot of wonderful aspects – the people, the culture, the closeness of friends, etc.  Living here also comes with challenges.  These challenges become a lot more intense once one has a child.  I remember when I was expecting Esteban one of the girls I mentor said, “You guys aren’t staying here once the baby comes, right?  I mean, why would you want to stay??”  A lot of people who live here have the goal to get out of the neighborhood, if they or their children are able to move to away they have “made it.”  To purposefully stay when we are able to leave seems strange to some. Today I met a woman, a neighbor of mine, we spoke about children and raising them in our neighborhood.  She has three kids, all in college now, all are doing well and love the neighborhood as well as where they’re at for school.  We talked about how difficult it is to find good schools around here and the challenges of where the kids play outside, the battle to want to give your child freedom to explore and be on their own but also to protect them and keep them safe. The woman reminded me that while the struggles around here are hard, there are troubles everywhere.  She told me about when her daughter was in high school, she was a part of an honors program at a school in a wealthy area of the city.  She would come home and mention how many issues she saw every day among her classmates – things were not so much better just because she was in a “better area.” Earlier this week I sifted through my struggles and fears with raising kids in this neighborhood.  Well, I often sift through my fears and struggles, but this past week they’ve been especially present on my mind. I want our children to be friends with and a part of the neighborhood, not just living here and going outside of the neighborhood for everything. However, I don’t want my children exposed or pulled into all the awful things that also a part of our neighborhood. Towards the end of last year, a fifteen-year-old was stabbed in the neck and dumped into a trashcan in an alley, specifically because he told the group of guys hassling him that he didn’t want to join the gang they were in.  My heart aches when I think of that story.  The kid had been bothered for a while by these guys to join and then that happened.  With a little baby boy, I just want to keep him inside and never have to face all of that. I wrestle with loving the young men in the gangs, the young men my husband works with everyday, knowing they do things like this.  They are human beings, were once little boys just looking to be cared for, but also are murderers and are also murdered.  When I think of these things happening I wonder where my son will fit in with everything one day and how he will process things…how do I help him to process these things? Talking with the woman today though helped me to hear stories of other kids who are doing well, who enjoyed living in our neighborhood and still call it their home. She and her husband still live here.  If Epi and I are called to be in this neighborhood, which I believe we are currently, we need to trust that God has equipped our children to also live in this place.  He knew what he was doing when he gave us Esteban, and it wasn’t an accident his parents live in a sometimes scary neighborhood.  The work lies in trusting Him who is greater, with my son, and following His leading.

what’s been going on in list form

• Today is national doughnut day.  I think I will celebrate by making these, or these, or maybe these.

• Summers in Chicago are wonderful – the weather is generally beautiful, the lake and beaches are full of boaters, swimmers, and picnickers, and there are always free things going on.  E and I will definitely be attending a few of these in the upcoming months.

• To kick off the summer & to wrap up a season of “funship” events E and I are having our first summer cookout (and first cookout hosting as a married couple!) this weekend – carne asada, chorizo, guacamole, beans, rice, bubbles and sidewalk chalk for the kids, beach balls and bean bags.  I’m excited.

• Been reading this book as of late.  While not what I initially expected – it was written in the 1600’s so the language is a bit antiquated – it is both challenging and encouraging.  I have been pouring over it and soaking it in.

• People and their stories are beautiful.  One day I dream of writing a book to tell stories of the people in my neighborhood.  In the meantime I love browsing this site, looking at humans in New York.

• This post and its follow-up. Well said.

• Miklo ate a poisonous plant this morning and was taken on an emergency vet trip.  Gah.  It sounds like he’ll be fine although the vet was clearly disappointed in me declining the “supportive treatments” (giving him fluids via IV and the cat equivalent to pepto bismol that were going to cost $200!).

• Looking forward to doing this DIY summer decor project.

• this website and blog are two of my recent favorite sites to browse. If you’re looking for design inspiration and/or need help with web design she’s the girl to go to.

• Recently a few friends and I were talking about various cultural expectations and habits with new babies.  This one blew my mind a little, this one I think should become the norm here in the US as well.

Reflections on Leadership Development

I just finished reading Leadership Revolution by John Perkins and Wayne Gordon and wanted to share a couple of things that stood out to me when reading the book.  These were truths that resonated in my heart, partially because they are things I need to remember in my own life, and also because they are truths I long to see demonstrated in our communities.

The first is a poem that’s toward the end of the book.  It’s actually used by the Christian Community Development Association (CCDA) pretty regularly so you may have heard it before, but it was a good reminder to me as to what servant leadership and leadership development look like so wanted to share it with you:

 

“Go to the people

Live among them

Learn from them

Listen to them

Labor with them

Love them

Start with what they know

Build on what they have

But of the best leaders

When their task is done

The people will remark

‘We have done it ourselves.'”

 

The second is a little longer, two paragraphs from Leadership Revolution that put to paper what’s been on my heart lately.

“Leadership development is, at its core, the process of empowerment.  It entails a major commitment of time, energy and, often, financial resources.  The first step in empowering leaders is to create a culture in which all people understand that they are important, that their opinions matter, and that their recommendations, whether or not they are eventually adopted, will always get a hearing (and not just a token hearing).

In an empowering culture, those of us who have titles and are over others on the organizational chart recognize that we are not the only ones who have ideas.  In fact, as we often remind people, it’s usually the case that those who are closest to the problem being addressed or the goal being pursued have the best idea about how to proceed.  A culture that promotes the empowerment of others differs radically from the kind of culture in which the leaders are big shots – and where it’s clear, the minute you walk in the door, who those big shots are.”

Creating that kind of culture is a daily process – making the decision to hear others’ perspectives, to welcome those who think or process things differently and truly value their opinion even if it’s not what or how I think.  What are your thoughts?  Have you read Leadership Revolution? Have you seen examples of the culture of empowerment or have thoughts on creating and encouraging it?

Misconceptions

I was recently asked what I thought some common misconceptions are regarding youth and families living in the city, specifically those living in the neighborhoods I live and work in.  Right away a few misconceptions came to mind, these are ones that I see & hear often even from people who have moved into our neighborhood to do ministry.  Really, if I am being honest, these are ones I find myself thinking at times if I am not careful.  Other misconceptions are subtle, or not as often observed.  I thought instead of talking about these in one post I’d start a series and over time as I see a misconception or hear about one from my friends and neighbors I will write about them.  I’m still yet to come up with a name for this series, so if any of you have an idea of what to call it please share!  My hope is that this will start a dialogue among readers as well as out in our communities! I already have asked one of the girls I mentor what she thinks are some misconceptions and loved hearing her responses.  I’m excited to share and discuss these with you all.  Stay tuned.

vidas de valor [courageous lives]

When trying to figure out how to start this blog, what sort of post should be my first, how best to communicate why I am writing , or even where to start writing, I felt overwhelmed. I’m still in the space of figuring out just want I want this blog to be – a journal of some sorts, perhaps a glimpse into life and circumstances as I see them? There are so many conversations that take place, occurrences that happen, or people I meet that cause me to think, “I wish others knew this happened!” or “More people should have glimpses of this.” I do realize my view is limited, I am one person and in many ways an outsider to the culture and neighborhoods that I am in.  Even though I’ve been here for five years my life is still very different than those around me and I completely realize that. I find it a privilege to sit back and listen to people’s stories, those who have been living here their entire lives who have been through all different circumstances, have persevered through trials so many of us would never imagine happening, and to hear the beat of their heart – their passions, their insights, their souls – cry out through their stories.  I love sitting and observing, and listening to those around me and I am so thankful for those who have befriended me, for the random strangers I get to have conversations with, for the glimpses into the courageous lives being lived out all around me each day.